I was told the other day that I make motherhood look easy and fun. I seriously had nothing to say to that...I could only bust out laughing. I mean being a mom is hands down the best thing ever, but let's face it there is NOTHING easy about it. Well, except for loving your kids...that part comes easy..and often saves their lives!
"Beth, you make motherhood look so easy and like so much fun..." that statement just kept replaying over and over in my head. It helped me remember (and laugh....now) at some of the most embarrassing times, the hardest times, and the times I really wondered how I was going to make it until my boys were grown! I wanted to share a few of those with you!
When Bryson was about a year old (he started walking at 8 months so he was really mobile by a year) I got in the shower and left him playing with his toys. I had "Bryson proofed" everything and knew I had about 10 minutes to shower before he would pitch a fit. I was washing shampoo out of my hair and saw this neon green hand pry its way through the shower curtain...it was at this moment I wished I could have just turned into water and washed down the drain! I open the shower curtain only to find a curly haired, green monster that is laughing hysterically. That was the day Bryson found a bottle of neon green craft paint and decided to empty it and finger paint my kitchen. It was also the day I realized he was smarter than any child proofing system I had tried.
Soon after that he found the baby powder....I had a powdery fresh house for months after that!
It wasn't long after that when Bryson and I moved back in with my parents. I was folding laundry one night and Bryson walks in with a chocolate covered face and black sharpie all over him. It was at that point that I learned he had discovered that my brother stashes sharpies and snacks in his room. Bryson felt that the best place to test out the sharpie was on the "big chair" in my parents living room. I don't know that I have ever prayed so hard...I basically cast the ink out of my parents NEW furniture!
And then along came Houston. From day one this child has never made things easy. Houston was an all natural child birth and he had colic for the first six months of his life. I am seriously not certain how Danny or I survived those six months...I don't know that we slept or could even talk over his constant screaming. I wish I could tell you that it was just as wonderful as a Lifetime movie portrays it...but the reality looked more like two zombies carrying around a cat in heat (yes, the screaming was a close second to that sound).
Ah...and Houston, also, found baby powder. Only he decided to empty it on our BRAND NEW tile floors with BLACK grout. We then had grayish grout....
Along with the arrival of Houston came the CONSTANT bickering and fighting. Fighting over who sits in which booster seat, fighting over who rides in the front of the shopping carts, fighting over who has more drink in their cup. I swear sometimes the way they show affection for each other is to bicker. Recently we went to Target. I got both boys a dumb little Power Ranger toy (they pitched fits for them) and on the way home they began arguing over which one had the red toy and which one bought the green one. The fighting got worse, and worse...when we arrived at home I told them to stand in the drive way and fight it out. When they were done they could come inside. Some how in their tired minds that turned it into "Mommy kicked us out of the house" and the MAJOR melt downs started....long story short when I couldn't stop the arguing over who got them "kicked out" (this all started over the green power ranger) I decided to "run away". I took my purse and handed Bryson the house key and started walking up the street. I told them to stay at the house...as I walked further and further away they just screamed louder. Needless to say...they didn't fight anymore that weekend...and if one of them tried the other would say "NOOOOO mommy will run away if we fight".
While we are on the subject of chaos...let's just talk about getting ready in the mornings.
WHAT. A. NIGHTMARE.
HOLY...MOLY....BATMAN!
It is nearly impossible to get ready in the mornings. If we don't fight over their hair, or if we don't have an all out war over their outfits (which are usually the wrong seasons clothes), or if we successfully make it out of the house without leaving something or spilling a drink/food....WE HAVE HAD A GREAT DAY! By time I get Bryson on the school bus and Chubby to daycare I feel like I am suffering PTSD. (I say that jokingly...I know how serious PTSD is)
Once, Bryson hated the outfit I put on him...so he laid it on the floor in the bathroom and pee'd on it. Little sucker out smarted me...or so he thought...I just found the ugliest plaid pants I could find and made him wear mix matched clothes. Once he got to school he intentionally poured milk on himself so the teachers would change him. Try explaining to your boss that you have to leave work to go discipline your strong willed three year old...
See this photo? Shortly after this photo was taken Danny and I had to each throw a kid over our shoulders and literally run out of the ice rink. I am not sure what went wrong that day...we decided to enroll the boys in hockey lessons...about 10 minutes into that lesson they both completely lost it. EXTREME crying and sobbing...I have never been so embarrassed! I'm talking bawling so loud that the entire ice rink got quiet except for them! All the other parents were staring at us trying to figure out why the boys were so upset. If I could have crawled under a rock...I would have!
I was washing my car a few months ago and Houston came up to me..."Mommy I color you car". I half way listened and said "Wow...thank you" and kept cleaning the passenger side of the car. I walked around to the drivers side only to discover that he has located markers and colored all down the side of my white car! My suburban looked like one big piece of fruit stripe gum!
Houston has also swallowed money (two pennies and a dime...in case you missed that update), we were sifting through poop for a few days.
Speaking of poop....I went to the mall with my friends this summer. We were letting the kids play on the rides in the food court and I went to order my food. I was in mid-order at Subway when my friend walks up behind me and whispers in my ear "Houston has had an accident and it's everywhere". I slowly turned and see my other friend (who shall remain anonymous) with a child on her hip violently gagging. I walk over to find Houston sitting in the little ride, surrounded by and covered with poop...he says "I sorry mommy"...
Managed to get that situation cleaned up without making a scene...HA!
My life may "look easy" but know that behind the scenes it is often chaos. My house is rarely picked up, my car is always full of cereal, my eyes constantly have bags under them...life as a mom is simply not easy. I never want to paint the image that my life is something that it is not...
I am just like every other mother out there....some days my life is TOTALLY fun...and others it feels like I have spent the day fighting for my life in the Hunger Games.
It's not always easy....but it is always worth it!
Here's to all the mom's out there! Please share your #momfails with me...so I don't feel as bad! LOL
